


Finn's Peanut Butter Cookies

by nomsie500



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen, RuPaul's Drag Race mentions, Shenanigans, brothers being brothers, but I think it's great, it's a bit of a crack fic, no beta we die like jet, we revealing secret hijinks!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:34:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25005502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomsie500/pseuds/nomsie500
Summary: Apparently, Finn, Sam, and Kurt got up to a lot more shenanigans than anyone knew.Takes place during the time skip that happens in Season 5.
Relationships: Sam Evans & Kurt Hummel, Sam Evans & Kurt Hummel & Finn Hudson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	Finn's Peanut Butter Cookies

**Author's Note:**

> Yooooooooooooo
> 
> It is my personal headcanon that not only were Finn and Kurt good brothers, but Sam was also like a brother to them. I mean, seriously, they got up to something during those months where they all lived together, otherwise what on earth would possess Sam to make a macaroni portrait of Kurt? I decided to turn this headcanon into a crack fic because I am bored and have been left alone with my thoughts for too long. Enjoy!!

Kurt wasn’t sure what he was expecting when Sam announced he was going to bake that day, but it most certainly wasn’t a perfect replication of the one thing Finn could make. 

“Samuel Evans! What the fuck is this?!” he demanded, surprising everyone.

Sam grinned evilly. “You know exactly what they are. Jealous?”

“Of course I’m jealous! You know I’ve been trying to recreate these since before he died and I could never figure it out. Why didn’t you tell me he taught you? I am offended, Samuel, offended!” Kurt replied, waving his half-eaten cookie around and flinging crumbs everywhere.

“He told me to not tell you so when you found out, I could watch you have this reaction. He was right, it’s freaking hilarious,” Sam said, still grinning.

“Please tell me I was at least in New York before he taught you?” Kurt asked in a small voice.

Sam’s eyes widened and he rounded the table to give Kurt a hug. “Yeah, you were in New York. The only reason he taught me was because we couldn’t do any of our brother things without you, so we needed new brother things to do.”

“And one of the brother things ended up being making Finn’s peanut butter cookies?” Kurt replied, leaning into the hug.

“It was his idea. It was kinda like he knew and wanted to make sure we would still have it after he was gone,” Sam explained.

“Well, I guess I can accept that. I’m glad you have it, now I don’t have to go the rest of my life not eating Finn’s peanut butter cookies,” Kurt said.

“What do you mean these are Finn’s peanut butter cookies? He never baked anything,” Rachel said, trying a cookie. 

“The reason you didn’t know probably had to do with the fact that we always stole them when Finn made them, so I think he just gave up on making them for anyone who lived outside the house. They’re heavenly, right?” Kurt asked.

“I hate peanut butter,” Rachel replied, placing the half-eaten cookie on a napkin.

Kurt and Sam gasped, scandalized. “Blasphemous Berry! No wonder you didn’t know, you didn’t deserve to know!” Sam exclaimed, pointing at Rachel and giving her a look as if to say “shame on you”. 

Rachel looked shaken. “Could he make anything else?”

“No, he was an awful cook and baker. It was a miracle he could make these cookies, actually,” Kurt replied, marveling at the cookies even though Sam had made them.

“Are there other things you know about Finn that I don’t know?” Rachel asked, suddenly very sad and timid.

“I hate to break it to you, but yes. There are a lot of things you guys don’t know about us that we know about each other, actually,” Sam replied.

When Sam said you guys, he was referring to Rachel, Artie, and Blaine. The latter two hadn’t said anything the whole time because Kurt and Sam were interacting in a way that none of them had seen before. It was weird and they weren’t sure how to react.

“Would you like to share with the class?” Artie asked eventually, Rachel and Blaine nodding in agreement, especially since they had dated or were dating two of the people in question.

“Well, for one thing, Kurtsie is a total emo and managed to partially convert me and Finnie. When Finnie was really tired on the way to school, Kurtsie would play ‘Bring Me To Life’ by Evanescence and it would perk him right up. He loved doing the screaming dude part,” Sam said.

Kurt groaned. “I thought we agreed to not bring up the emo phase or the fucking nicknames ever again! They’re so cringy.”

“I actually remember Kurt’s emo phase. He always looked so cute and tiny in his band shirts and eyeliner. Tina and I were shocked to see you on the first day of glee club and found out you were the same Kurt Hummel from middle school. I almost said something about it so many times before the Diva Off,” Artie said.

“What on earth is ‘Bring Me to Life’? And Evanescence? Is that a band?” Rachel asked.

Everyone but Blaine gaped at her. Blaine wasn’t gaping at her because he was just as confused as she was and also very stuck on the fact that apparently Kurt had an emo phase and didn’t tell him. 

“Seriously? That song is such a meme, you have to know it. Here, I’ll play it,” Sam said, pulling out his phone to open up YouTube.

Kurt grinned evilly and whispered something to Sam that caused him to cackle. Sam played the song, but it was the version where Goofy was singing. Artie was quickly laughing with them while Rachel looked scandalized. Blaine was just incredibly lost.

“This is horrible! Why on earth would anyone like this?” she asked.

“What are you talking about, woman? This is art!” Artie replied, laughing even harder.

“I’m sorry, Rachel, but I can’t control what Finn liked or didn’t like. It got him to wake up in the morning for school, so we listened to it,” Kurt explained, still giggling like a maniac.

“Okay, so we’ve covered Kurt’s secret emo phase, now I want something juicy about Sam,” Artie said, grinning in anticipation.

“Well, you heard Sam called me Kurtsie and refer to Finn as Finnie. Those nicknames came from the time we decided to try drag after watching RuPaul’s Drag Race. They’re all shortened versions of our drag names. I was Kurtsie Hummingbird, Sam was Evanly Muel, and Finn was Finnie Boo Boo, named after the great Honey Boo Boo herself,” Kurt offered.

“Okay, I can see Kurt having drag persona, but Finn and Sam? Seriously?” Rachel asked, once again dumbfounded.

“It’s more likely than you think. We used to watch TLC shows together, and then one day I showed them Drag Race because we were bored. Sam immediately wanted to become Carmen Carrera, even though he doesn’t have the body to pull it off. I decided to try my hand at being a queen like Raja, and we dragged Finn into it because at that point he didn’t have a choice. We tried to style him like Alexis Mateo, but he really wanted to be Latrice Royale for some reason. I still can’t figure it out to this day,” Kurt explained.

“I think he just liked the ‘Jesus is a biscuit’ thing. Also, I’m offended that you think I can’t be a body queen! I totally looked good in the stuff you came up with for me to wear,” Sam replied, looking very put out.

Kurt laughed. “You looked like Milk trying to do that kind of drag. It wasn’t that you didn’t look good, it’s just that you didn’t look how you wanted to look.”

Sam gasped. “Take that back! I did not look like Milk!”

“What can I say, you’re a hot guy, Evanly. If you’re not wearing clothes, you don’t pull off lady very well,” Kurt responded with a shrug.

“I’m still offended,” Sam stated, crossing his arms and pouting a little.

“Are there pictures?” Artie asked.

“No, just a music video we made to the song ‘LadyBoy’ which is honestly better than pictures in my opinion,” Kurt replied.

“It is. I must see it,” Artie said.

“I’ll see if I can dig it up for you,” Kurt promised.

“Is there anything else that you three got up to you didn’t bother to mention to your best friend/significant other?” Blaine asked.

“I mean, there were our nights on the town which were pretty lit. We’d go bowling, eat exclusively orange food, get drunk, and then play COD until we fell asleep or we got tired of Kurt being better than us at video games. Seriously, Kurtsie is stupidly good at first person shooter games and it’s really not fair,” Sam said, sticking his tongue out when Kurt grinned at him.

“What can I say, there’s something about beer that really unlocks my inner bro,” Kurt replied, ruffling Sam’s hair for good measure.

Kurt’s smile dropped when he noticed Blaine’s lost expression. He asked him what was wrong and Blaine just sighed dramatically.

“I’m finding out that apparently, you were way closer to Finn and Sam than I thought. Why didn’t I hear about any of these things you did? Why wasn’t I ever dragged into it? When did you have time to hang out like this? Since I didn’t learn it from you, why didn’t I learn it from Sam? I thought we were best friends and partners in crime. Our adventures don’t even begin to compare to these and whatever the fuck else you guys got up to,” Blaine explained.

“Well, the reason why you were never involved was because these things mostly happened when my dad and Carole were in D.C. and we weren’t allowed to have anyone over. I never told you because I thought you would judge me for it, and I couldn’t handle that. Even though we weren’t together as brothers for very long, the three of us were still very close as brothers and I couldn’t handle you not accepting our weird and wacky relationship, so I just didn’t tell you. I’m sorry, Blaine, I really am,” Kurt replied. “Also, in my defense, you never told me about Cooper and you haven’t said much about what it was like to grow up with him. I’m not sure how much different this is.”

“You’re probably right about that. But what about you, Sam? I thought you weren’t nearly as close with Kurt as you were with me,” Blaine said.

Sam shrugged. “I tried to tell you, but you didn’t want to hear it. I’m surprised you didn’t question when I would point out really weird things that would remind me of Kurt or when I showed you the macaroni portrait I made of Kurt. I mean, seriously, why would I have made something like that if Kurt wasn’t at least somewhat important to me?”

“Fine, fine. I get it, I wasn’t the easiest person to tell. I’m still upset about it though,” Blaine responded, looking very put out.

The group lapsed into silence for a few minutes, not really sure where to take the conversation from there. 

“Well, if we’re all done having a weird pity party, I want to see this music video. I need to see y’all in drag,” Artie said, pushing himself away from the table.

“It would be nice to see a video where Finn is happy,” Rachel added, moving to get up as well.

Kurt and Sam grinned, quickly finding the flash drive and pulling up their drag music video.


End file.
